Missing Home
by May Seward
Summary: I was watching about the scene in Doctor Who S4E18 "The End of Time Part 2" where the Doctor introduces Jack to Alonso and I got thinking about where it was in Jack's timeline and this happened. This is that scene from Jack's POV plus a little of Jack and Alonso's conversation afterwards. Lots of Janto feels cause its post Children of Earth: Day Four. OneShot unless I'm inspired.


Eight months, he figures. Eight months since he left Earth. That makes it fourteen months since the 456 returned and took so much from him. The maths is easy; he's been doing the same simple equation every night since the day he left Gwen and Rhys on that hilltop, hoping that as the numbers get bigger, the grief and the guilt gets a little smaller.

He contemplates his third drink of the night absently. No such luck.

' _I love you_ ,' _he sobbed._

' _Don't,' Jack begged._ Don't say it like you've given up. Don't say it like a goodbye. Don't love me if it'll hurt you. _Ianto's eyes began to close and Jack's immortal heart stopped dead. 'Ianto? Ianto! Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please. Stay with me, stay with me please, please,' he grabbed Ianto's face and the blue eyes opened again. Jack wanted to laugh in relief but the feeling was short-lived._

' _Hey,' Ianto manages, warm tears running down his face and wetting Jack's hand, but Jack barely noticed the feeling if only to reassure himself that it meant Ianto was still alive. 'It was... good, yeah?'_

 _Jack doesn't hesitate. 'Yeah,' he agrees, but his heart plummeted. Ianto was saying goodbye. They both knew it._

' _Don't forget me,' it was Ianto's turn to beg and the sound broke Jack's heart._

' _I never could.' Two thousand years buried alive and the only thing that kept him going was Ianto's face. All that time travelling with the Doctor; the end of the universe, the year that never was and the only thing that kept him fighting when he'd died so many times in one day that he'd lost track of where and when he was had been the hope of seeing Ianto and his team again._

' _In a thousand years time you won't remember me.'_

 _Didn't he realise he was unforgettable? Didn't he realise that Jack had already lived so long and that he remembered every single one. Didn't he realise that even if Jack forgot the others, he'd remember Ianto forever? Didn't he realise that Jack hadn't loved someone this much in a very, very long time?_

' _Yes, I will,' Jack told him. 'I promise I will.'_

Sometimes, Jack wished he hadn't been so right.

The grief is more of an ache now. Before he'd left Earth, it had been a stabbing feeling in his gut, like he'd been run through with a javelin (and he knew _exactly_ what that felt like) that hadn't gone away. He travelled the world for six months before he finally decided it wasn't working. Since then, he's been ship-hopping. Jumping from one space freighter to another, finding another dive bar to try to forget everything he was running from and hating himself for it.

He finishes his drink and orders another. He's halfway through it when the bartender pushes a folded piece of paper his way.

'From the man over there,' he says, thumb over his shoulder. Jack looks down at the paper, considering if it was worth opening, but a familiar movement catches his eye.

Its not the face he so desperately wants to see. If it had shown up a month ago, Jack suspected it would have left with a few more bruises than when it arrived. It brought back the nights when Jack had lain awake, torturing himself over the events that lead to where he was now. Wondering what would have gone differently if the Doctor had just stepped in to help. Now, he's just tired. So he shares a look with the Doctor and he can see he's hurting too. Perhaps even for him.

The Doctor nods and Jack sends him a confused look but unfolds the paper. " _HIS NAME IS ALONSO."_ The Doctor nods again, this time at the empty space to Jack's left. Oh. Jack turns his head and sees the space has been taken by a young man, probably no older than Ianto...

The message is clear: _Don't be alone._

Jack glances back at the Doctor, who salutes, and the message hits home. Jack returns the salute. _Reading you loud and clear._ Then, before he can say anything, the Doctor turns and walks away.

Jack takes a breath and turns his head to the new arrival. 'So, Alonso,' he says, then winces inwardly at how dead his voice sounds. The kid, 'cause that's practically what he is - compared to Jack, at least - slowly turns his head to face Jack, eyes wide. Jack wracks his brain for one of his less offensive lines and finally settles on, 'Going my way?' and then, out of habit more than anything, his lips finally quirk into a half-hearted smile.

'How do you know my name?' The guy isn't angry, so thats a good start. Jack passes off the time it takes to think of an excuse by shrugging and smiling a little wider.

'I'm kinda psychic,' he lies. The poor sod seems to believe him.

'Really?' he asks.

Its casual, more curious than surprise and it makes it easier for Jack who immediately replies, 'Yeah.'

'Know what I'm thinking right now?' he asks. Jack is pretty sure he has a good idea. The smile becomes even less forced and he nods, almost bashfully. That has to be a first.

'Oh, yeah.'

Alonso nods slowly, and he begins to smile too. 'Okay,' he says and Jack laughs. _Laughs_. Granted, its more of a throaty chuckle, but _god_ , it feels good. For the first time he doesn't dwell on why. He downs his drink and calls the bartender over.

'What are you having?' he asks Alonso as the bartender arrives. Alonso shrugs and Jack gets the feeling the guy doesn't honestly know.

'I'll have whatever you're having,' he decides.

Jack nods. 'Two more,' he tells the bartender, who complies. 'So, you didn't answer my question,' Jack says.

'Hmm?' Alonso mumbles and then seems to catch up. 'Oh, yeah.'

'So where you from?' Jack prompts.

'Sto,' Alonso responds.

'Stovian, huh?'

'Yeah. You?'

Jack shrugs. 'Oh, you know. A lot o' places.'

Alonso looks at him, trying to figure him out. 'You look like you've been away for a while. Do you ever... miss it? Home?'

Images flash through Jack's mind. Ianto begging to be a part of Jack's team. Ianto's flat the first time the welshman brought him home. Moonlight filtering through the half-open curtains onto Ianto's beautiful sleeping face. Ianto and Gwen practically falling asleep at their desks after a forty hour week had been crammed into a single weekend. Ianto crawling out of the rubble of an exploded building, battered but _alive_. Ianto's voice from just behind him as they ran through the streets of Cardiff hot on the tail of a Weevil. Ianto in Thames House, standing right next to him, defiant against the 456, eyes alight with passion and hope and the certainty that they would _win._

Jack looks back at Alonso and realises a sad smile has replaced his flirtatious one, but Alonso either hasn't noticed or doesn't mind.

'Yeah,' he replies and is almost surprised when his voice remains steady as a rock. 'Every day.'


End file.
